Tales from Azeroth

The sound. That hollow thumping. It is always here. It is dark, and I can barely move. The walls are tight against my sides. Sometimes, if I lie still I can hear voices, muffled and distant as if through a thick wall. But I can always hear the thumping.

I can smell thick, wet mold. Feel it under my fingernails where I have scraped at the confines I am trapped in. The thumping quickens when I scream and scrape at my minuscule prison, trying to break free. I have felt my nails tear free -- stuck in the coarse wood I am imprisoned inside.

When I lie still, it is worse. All sensation is muted, and as distant as the voices I sometimes hear. It is as if my whole body is numb and tingling, like a leg that fell asleep. I can feel things. Crawling across me. I can hear the sounds they make, like they are eating away at something. But I am the only thing here. It hurts, but not a normal pain, and a sharp itch that I cannot scratch. I feel the movement under my skin once they burrow inside me. And then the itching returns again. I think my skin healed with the thing inside me.

The thumping won’t stop. I think I am being tortured. But no jailer comes to bring food or to mock me. I don’t know how much more my mind can handle. I miss my family. I miss my wife and children. My dog, my farm, the wind in my face, the smell of fresh-turned earth in the spring, or the crisp scent of autumn as the leaves began to change. Where are these things now?

I think I slept. When I woke, or at least returned to awareness, I was chewing something, matching the rhythm of the cursed thumping. I felt the tickle in my throat, and coughed, then something crunched between my teeth. As I swallowed, the tingling, itching of my skin abated a little. If I can eat, I can heal, and I can find some peace. At least for my body, but not for my mind.

I have lain here, thinking. I remember things now. I remember the Lich King attacking. I remember the sickness all around me. I remember my family rising up after death took their souls. I remember sliding into the miasma of death. Then, why am I here now?

The thumping. That is the key. I know now. I was enslaved, and made into the unthinking slave as a living dead minion. The evil spell was broken, though. I collapsed. All energy gone from my body, but my mind is still aware. They buried us. I saw the massive crypts, dug underground like a poor man’s mausoleum. But now I am more than dead. I can hear my heartbeat, for that is the thumping. But they cannot hear me, though I hear them freeing others. I am trapped. I scream. It does no good. I have no way out. I only have the eternal beating of my own broken heart. And the madness.

Chronicle of War

The night was cold and harsh upon my druid as I threw on my heavy cloak and turned on the graphic to give him extra warmth. The place was Duskwood, my level, 27. This was my first character and I was still naive. In the distance animals roared and I got an eerie feeling in the back of my spine. As my thoughts grew more and more worrying, I began sticking strictly to the path, concerned that a new and more powerful unknown creature could be lurking behind any tree.

Game or not, I still feared death and so I swiftly became a panther and dashed off further down the trail. My worry was getting the best of me. I then heard something familiar, the pattering of hooves. My first thoughts were of relief; surely the kind higher-level player would assist me in finding the shelter of town.

Even thought I was in desperate need of their help, I ran onward. They would catch up eventually; there was only one path after all. As I progressed, the pattering grew louder and I decided to check on who was behind me. I held my pace and slowly rotated my view. That was when I realized that what followed me was not salvation, but devastation. Yes, behind me he sat, upon a steed of pure bones and horror. It was an undead rogue and he began closing fast. I wasn't experienced in PvP at the time, yet I knew what was to come if that living corpse of terror were to come down upon me.

It was not the smartest move to make, but I was not prepared to die at the hands of a Horde soldier yet. I clicked dash and veered off the path into the unknown woods. As he turned to pursue me, I knew deep down it was futile to resist. It was still too soon to surrender so I continued on, careening through the underbrush with no clue of where I would end up or what deadly creatures may lie ahead in waiting.

Then, I slipped up, my character fell into a small gap in the ground and I hesitated too long getting out. The rogue caught up in seconds, but amazingly didn't look down and jumped the gap I was stuck in. My ordeal was over as soon as I reached the road again I thought, looking at my map as I walked. That's when I heard it, that awful foreboding sound... Stealth. The rogue has found me, dash was down, my life was over. Yet I trekked on, if only I could cover a bit more ground and lose him!

I had one, small remaining hope: Nature's Grasp. I popped the spell as I desperately swerved and turned to lose the rogue I knew was behind me. Then he struck, luckily the rogue seemed to have been only in his mid 40s, but the ambush still stung me greatly, and I dropped to half health. Nature's Grasp took effect swiftly and I made my last run for it. I had only progressed a few yards when he found is Insignia. All hope was not yet lost though, I could see town ahead and made a beeline -- just inside those wooden houses was sanctuary.

I got closer and closer, step by step, then it hit me, the rogue had caught up and struck, I keeled over, he had won. And so, my sad tale ends.

Priest Looking for Rogue

Saw you briefly in Warsong Gulch but you Vanished. I was in Shadowform, you were sneaking to the flag, and I was stunned by you. Leave message with The Legerdemain Lounge barkeep in Dalaran.

Wanted

Roommate. Single, non-smoking Horde member. Light PvP is ok as long as you don’t bring it home.

Shave and a Haircut

Experienced barber awaiting customers in Dalaran. Charges depend on number of features altered. Waiting in Dalaran. Serious customers only please.

Kisser Wanted

Creature seeking kisser in green hilly place with tall trees. Prepare yourself properly to avoid warts. Ribbit.

Orc Hunter Looking For Work

I am well versed in Monster lore and have traveled to all parts of Azeroth. I have my own weapon but you pay for ammunition. I am open for guard duty or scouting.

WTS Mechano-hog Mint Condition

Hey everyone! I’m looking to sell a brand new Mechano-hog fresh off the forge. It’s never been driven, though the seat cushion smells a bit like sweaty tauren. This hog is a very reliable ride, as it’s 10 for 10 in failing exhaust emissions tests. Experienced riders will be happy to know it’s now available in two speeds: (1) not moving at all, and (2) moving very fast. Sale of the bike will be first-come, first-serve or best offer. Don’t settle for a little pony or reptilian thing! Cruise Dalaran in style… sweet, obnoxiously loud style.

Selling original Bloodsail Ship

Needs complete overhaul. Lots of damage. Must pick-up from Booty Bay. Buy at your own risk. 50,000 gold.

Farm for Sale: 2- Story-1 Bed, plus Loft, and Fireplace

Incredible future development potential! 5 acres of land situated on the west side of beautiful Lordamere Lake. Easy access to fishing and hunting. Great area for nature walks and wildlife. Needs new well and some pest removal. Valgan’s Field is a real a charmer!

Plot for Sale

Tarren Mill Graveyard, 2 freshly dug graves 3000 gold + transfer fee. See Novice Thaivand for more information.

Looking for an Ogre’s Loin Cloth

Prank week is coming up and I have a great idea for one of these!

Selling Set of Warglaives

Rare Set! Mint Condition. Used mostly for show. Little wear and tear. Best Offer.

Magic Treasures

Afraid of tikbalangs? Need a little spring in your step? Look no further than Griftah’s amazing magical treasures, medallions, and wards. These prices can’t be beat and each item is guaranteed. Genuine Hula Girls for the low low price of 85 gold! See the one and only Griftah in Lower City, Shattrath.

Kitten for Sale

Pure “one of a kind” white kitten available for sale. Expert at yawning, stretching, and staying under foot. See Lil Timmy in Stormwind City before it’s too late!